One of the dark days

I fall too soon and too deep
Into waters I am unaware of.
And I forget to swim
When I need to.
I inhale the water
Knowing all well,
that it isn’t well.
And then I cry,
Try to find faults
In others when I am wrong,
And in myself when others have wronged.
I find myself
At crossroads
Where every road is a bad omen.
And yet, I have to choose one
And I go on blindly
Trusting
That it will all be alright
When nothing actually is
Alright.
I am as broken
As I am perfect,
Perfect imperfections.
The more I know
The less I understand.
It feels like I am climbing
Falling stairs.
I try to find the key
Key to success
Key to happiness
Key to satisfaction
That I have lost
Long ago, beyond recovery
I try to have hope
That I will find it
Because
Hope is all I have, and
I don’t want to be locked in.
I try too much
And do too little.