The girl who forgot her face

I see myself in the mirror
A broken face
Swollen eyes and
Messed up hair
I do not know
how I look to others.
But I look ugly to me.

I see the sadness
in other's eyes
when they rest on me
When they see the mess
That I am
That I always was
And I always would be

I wish with all the effort
That I could have any other face
Any other face in the world
Just not mine. Please not mine.

A silent sob
A lonely tear
A broken face
With swollen eyes

It's a face
that can take
a hundred more scars
and still look the same

I wish I could have any other face
And my wish is granted
by some magical entity
by some weird fantasy
And I don't care
Now I can have any face that I want
Any face that I like

I go first for the face of
celebrities
of those who are universally
beautiful
And I look beautiful
for the first time in my life
I can see confidence
in my eyes
in her eyes
those eyes are not mine
but I like those eyes
more than mine

People notice
People finally notice me
Not because I am beautiful now
But because I look like a celebrity
literally.
But they notice
and that is what
I really wanted all along

Slowly though I get bored of this face
and then that face
All the faces
In all the world
I feel now
That I have lost myself
I am never me
Always someone else
Someone else's face

And I wish now to get my face back
And I forget what I looked like
Cause I never looked at myself
With admiration
With approval
With satisfaction

I can't change back to my face
Because I have forgotten my face
I am now like someone else
Not me
Not what I wanted to be
All along.

20 March, 2019